Location: Eurasia, Earth 5-C
Country: Zalaria
Synopsis: The system of government seems to be a standard monarchy. Their society is very similar to primary modern-day Britain, but technologically, they're still stuck in the Dark Ages. The architecture is semi-Victorian, but that's the most progress they've had. They don't even have gunpowder, let alone electricity. Thankfully, they at least have the beginnings of modern plumbing. Supposedly, there is a series of aqueducts under the streets of the capital...
That was the beginning of a long account on the country of Zalaria. Deejay had started recording it on his last visit, and this time he hoped to collect enough information to finish it. That, and maybe meet a hot girl or two.
Deejay was sitting at a small table at an outdoor cafe in the capital city of Zalaria. Across from him sat a noble-looking gentleman with expensive clothing, a well-groomed beard, and a distractingly large nose.
“Um, okay...” Deejay said, trying not to stare at the man's nose. He looked down at his clipboard on the table in front of him. “Question nine: compared to this time last year, would you say your nation's economy is doing better, worse, or about the same?”
“Hmm...” The gentleman stroked his beard thoughtfully, smiling slightly. “Well, I recall that taxes were slightly higher this time last year. His Highness, King Fredrick, graciously lowered taxes last February. Apparently, after the royal treasurers restructured the national budget in January, they found that the treasury had increased its surplus, and King Fredrick, in his infinite generosity, decided to pass along some of his good fortune to the people. Since then, the peasants have enough money to buy more food and goods for themselves, and as a result, the merchants are faring better than ever before. This is truly a golden age in our great nation's history.”
“'Kay. So, should I put you down for 'better,' then?”
“Yes, I should think so.” The man watched curiously as Deejay scribbled on the clipboard. “Forgive my ignorance, traveler, but what are you hoping to gain by asking these questions?”
“Oh, I just like keeping tabs on other countries, for my own peace of mind. It's good for international relations. Helps prevent war, too.”
“Well, you certainly have no reason to expect war from Zalaria. King Fredrick is no barbarian. Besides, His Highness has rarely, if ever, sought relations of any kind with other nations. His primary concern is always for his own people.”
“And I'm guessing most of the kings before him felt the same way. It's a nice sentiment and all, but it keeps this country isolated from most of the outside world. Because of that, you've almost totally stopped progressing.”
“Stopped progressing? I'm afraid I don't understand. What more progress is there to make? Zalaria is a peaceful and prosperous nation.”
“Yeah, but you've got no modern conveniences; the kind of stuff that usually comes from interacting with other cultures. You've got no gunpowder, no electricity, no coffee or chocolate... Man, what I wouldn't do for a Kit Kat right now...”
Deejay looked past the gentleman sitting across from him. His eyes fell upon a beautiful young lady sitting several tables down from them. She was wearing an elegant white dress, sipping tea and conversing with some friends. By the looks of the group, they were all quite wealthy; probably all from noble families. Deejay hardly noticed her friends, though. His eyes were locked on the girl in the white dress.
“Woah,” he said with a smirk. “Forget the Kit Kat. Break me off a piece of that. Who is that gorgeous girl?”
“Who?” The gentleman turned and looked at the young lady. “Oh. You must mean our fair Lady Elizabeth. Yes, she is quite the beauty. She is part of the royal family, you know. She's His Highness' only daughter. He's quite fond of her.”
“Who wouldn't be?”
As Deejay kept staring, Lady Elizabeth finally looked over and noticed him. He smiled warmly at her. She momentarily smiled back, then turned back to her friends. Meanwhile, Deejay just kept staring, and sighed dreamily.
“Sir?” the gentleman said, looking concerned. “Are you feeling alright?”
“No, man,” Deejay said. “I've been shot through the heart with Cupid's arrow. I'm falling head over heels for that girl. I gotta go talk to her. I gotta make her mine.”
“I beg your pardon? Sir, one cannot simply walk up to Lady Elizabeth and declare his love for her. Even if she did want to speak with you, her father is very protective of her.”
“Hey, I've dealt with protective fathers. They never stopped me before, and they won't stop me now.”
“Sir, do you understand what you're saying? She is the King's daughter. You cannot defy the King's will, especially in matters dealing with his only daughter. You would need his blessing to even be given the chance to ask for her hand in marriage.”
“Believe me, buddy, marriage is the last thing on my mind right now.”
Lady Elizabeth finished her tea. She started saying goodbye to her friends and got up from the table.
“You see that?” Deejay said. “She's already leaving. It's now or never.”
“Sir, wait a moment,” the gentleman said. “For your own good, you mustn't be too forward. No one here knows who you are. You might be taken for a Revolutionary assassin.”
“Assassin? Me?”
“Despite his good works, King Fredrick is not without his enemies. Several attempts have been made on his life and the lives of his family in the recent past. Because of this, the royal family is usually quite wary of strangers; especially ones who are not of noble stature.”
“Noble stature?” Deejay looked himself up and down. “Look, I know I'm not that tall, but that doesn't mean I'm an assassin.”
“No, by stature, I meant-”
The gentleman was cut off by a sudden scream. He whirled around just in time to see who the scream had come from. It was Elizabeth. A strange man in a black hooded cloak had her by the wrist and was forcing her into the back of a stage coach. Her friends and several other cafe patrons cried out in surprise.
“Stop it! Let go of me!” Elizabeth yelled as she struggled in vain to escape. The cloaked man dragged her kicking and screaming into the stage coach and closed the door behind them. The driver cracked his whip, and the coach took off down the street.
“God on high!” the gentleman exclaimed. “Lady Elizabeth! She really is being captured by Revolutionaries! How could this have happened? I thought the royal guards were keeping watch over her.”
“Guess they slipped up.” Deejay grinned and shot up out of his chair. “Now's my chance. If I save her life, she'll have to talk to me.”
“What did you say?” The gentleman looked confusedly back at Deejay. “Sir, I admire your courage, but this is a job best left to the royal guards. Besides, you have no hope of catching them now. You haven't even a horse to ride.”
Deejay laughed. “Don't stop me now, mac! ‘Cause I'm having a good time, having a good time...” He laughed and took off running down the street after the stage coach.
“Sir, wait!” The gentleman frowned as Deejay sped out of sight. “You said you were going to pay for lunch...”
“You brute!” Elizabeth sneered at the cloaked man. “Just where do you think you are taking me?”
“Be still, Your Highness,” the man said calmly. “This will all be over soon enough.”
“You will not get away with this, coward. My personal guards will find me, and they will punish you for this treasonous act.”
“No, Your Highness, your guards will not be coming for you...” The man stopped, looking out the back window. “What on earth...?”
Elizabeth turned and looked out the window as well. She was equally surprised by what she saw. A hundred or so yards behind them, Deejay was tearing down the street, still singing Queen's Don't Stop Me Now as he ran. Despite the fact that he was on foot, and the stage coach was being pulled by two horses at almost full gallop, he seemed to be rapidly gaining on them.
“Impossible!” the cloaked man shouted in surprise. “Who... or what is that?”
As he watched, Deejay was closing the gap between himself and the coach. He was less than 50 yards away, then a few seconds later, 25 yards, then 15...
“You are coming with me,” the cloaked man said, grabbing Elizabeth's wrist and pulling her over to the front of the cab.
“Let go of me!” she protested. Elizabeth struggled again, but could not break the man's grip.
Meanwhile, Deejay had caught up with the stage coach. He ran up alongside it and hollered up to the driver.
“Hey, pal, where's the fire?! You have any idea how fast you're going? How about you pull over nice and easy?”
The driver didn't respond. He anxiously tried to make the horses go faster, but they were already reaching their limit. Deejay didn't appreciate being ignored.
“I ain't gonna ask nicely again! Stop the cab!”
The driver glanced nervously over at Deejay, but he didn't slow down. He suddenly yanked on the reins and took a tight turn onto another street, but Deejay still kept up with little trouble.
“Fine!” he yelled. “We'll do this the hard way.”
Deejay leapt onto the side of the stage coach and held on for dear life. Once he felt he had a decent grip, he grabbed the handle on the door, but the door wouldn't budge. It had been locked from the inside. Deejay braced himself against the side of the coach with his foot, then gripped the knob tight and yanked with all his might. With only one hand, he ripped the knob right off, leaving a hole in the door. Deejay peered into the hole.
“Heeere's Johnny!”
To Deejay's surprise, however, the coach was empty.
“...the hell?” He climbed toward the front of the coach. When he got there, he realized one of the horses was missing. He'd been tricked. The cloaked man and the princess were getting away on the other horse while the empty stage coach acted as a decoy.
“Aw, son of a bitch!” Deejay effortlessly swung himself up onto the stage and grabbed the driver by the collar. “Which way'd they go?”
“You're too late,” the driver said. “You will never catch them now.”
“Oh yeah? Watch me!”
Deejay turned and leapt off the stage coach. He grabbed onto a flagpole and used his forward momentum to swing up onto the rooftop of a nearby building. He took off running and jumped onto an adjacent roof, then another, finally landing on the roof of a large church with a tall steeple at the front.
Deejay scaled the steeple and took a seat atop the giant cross at the top, taking a second to catch his breath. He looked down on the city below. Not too far off in the distance, he spotted a horse with two riders barreling down a side road. Even at a distance, he'd recognize that white dress anywhere.
“Man, don't I feel like the valiant knight today?” he said to himself with a laugh. “Hang in there, my fair damsel in distress. I'm coming for you.”
The cloaked man urged the horse onward, trying to put as much distance between them and the stagecoach as possible. As far as he could tell, there was no one following them. He started to relax.
“You still haven’t answered my question,” Elizabeth said crossly. “Where are you taking me?”
“Do not worry, Highness. You will see for yourself soon enough.”
“Don’t bet on it, Jack!” Deejay interrupted dramatically.
Deejay jumped down from the rooftops, landing right in front of them. The horse skidded to a stop and reared in surprise, throwing both riders off. Deejay dove and caught Elizabeth just before she hit the ground. The cloaked man fell on his side and hit the ground with a loud thump, kicking up a cloud of dirt on impact. He coughed and clutched his ribs in pain. Meanwhile, Deejay helped Elizabeth to her feet.
“You okay, Highness?” he asked her, breathing heavily. “No injuries?”
“No, I’m fine. Thank you, kind sir.” She looked puzzled. “But, I would like to know what’s happening. Who are you?”
“The name’s Deejay. I’m just an admirer, eager to meet you up close.” He tried to catch his breath before continuing. “Forgive me, Lady Elizabeth, but I must say… your astonishing beauty takes my breath away.”
Elizabeth laughed. “You flatter me, Sir Deejay.” She looked at the cloaked man, then back at Deejay. “I’ve never witnessed such speed and courage from anyone but a knight. And how did you ever reach that rooftop so quickly?”
Deejay grinned and held up his hand, displaying one of the strange black gloves he was wearing.
“High-friction gloves,” he explained. “One of my favorite inventions. I can out-climb a ring-tailed lemur with these puppies.”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand. You have a strange dialect...”
“Believe me, highness, there’s a lot about me that’s strange. We’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other later. But first...”
A few feet away, the cloaked man started to sit up. Deejay walked up next to him and struck a victory pose.
“Good work, gang,” he said with a corny smile. “Now, let’s see who the cloaked kidnapper really is!”
He threw back the hood of the man’s cloak, revealing his face for the first time. He was a middle-aged-looking man with a slightly gray beard. Elizabeth gasped.
“Captain Archer?!” she exclaimed. “Is that really you?”
The man sighed and nodded.
“Who?” Deejay asked, puzzled.
“This is Sir Thomas Archer, the captain of the Royal Guard,” Elizabeth explained. “But how can this be? Captain, how could you do such a thing? You are a Revolutionary?”
“I would never betray my country, milady,” he said, shaking his head. “I was ordered by the King to capture you, pretending to be a Revolutionary.”
“My father ordered this? But… why?”
“To teach you a lesson, I suppose.” Captain Archer rose to his feet. “He seems to think you are too carefree, going out in public on your own, often without guards to protect you. He thought he could scare you into staying out of trouble.”
“Oh, that is just like Father, isn’t it?” Elizabeth scowled. “He simply refuses to believe I can take care of myself. I’m practically a full-grown woman, but I’ll always be a helpless child in his eyes.”
“Well, it wasn’t just that, Your Highness. You see, my spies had just received word that the Revolutionaries were planning to attack today. By the time I received the news, you had already left the castle. I thought the King’s idea to stage a kidnapping would help keep you safe, as well as teach you to be more careful.”
“Well, you sure made a convincing kidnapper,” Deejay said sheepishly. “Hell, you fooled me. I guess I owe you an apology, Captain.”
“No, no. Whoever you are, sir, you have no reason to ask for forgiveness. Your actions were most admirable, albeit ill-informed.”
“Just the same, I’m sorry about the mix-up. Is there any way I could make it up to you?”
“There is no need. My only desire is to see the princess safely back to the castle-”
Captain Archer was cut off before he could finish. There was a sudden whooshing noise, and the captain was struck in the back with an arrow. He grunted in pain and dropped to his knees.
“Captain!” Elizabeth exclaimed, rushing to his side.
“What the…?” Deejay looked up from Captain Archer and saw who had fired the arrow.
Just down the street, there was a man in simple peasant’s clothing holding a light crossbow, aimed at the captain. The man had short, dirty brown hair, and his face was unshaven. Perhaps most notably, the man wore a strange bronze pendant around his neck. Another man stepped out from behind him, then more from an alley to Deejay’s left, each of them wearing a similar pendant.
“Revolutionaries,” Elizabeth said, staring fearfully at the group. “Real ones.”
“Grh…” Captain Archer grunted in pain.
Deejay went to his side as well and started to help him up, but stopped. The captain was losing a lot of blood. It looked like the arrow had pierced his heart.
“Aw, man,” Deejay said. “This doesn’t look good.”
The captain coughed weakly. “I beg you… protect… the princess…”
His eyes rolled back in his head and he fell limp in Deejay’s arms. Deejay carefully laid the captain’s body down on the ground, then stood up and faced the man that had killed him. Elizabeth nervously hid behind Deejay.
The man with the crossbow, apparently the leader of the group, strode forward confidently. His accomplices moved closer as well, attempting to surround Deejay and the princess.
“Surrender,” the Revolutionary leader said.
Deejay grinned. “You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.”
“Sir, please, don’t do this,” Elizabeth pleaded. “Whatever it is you desire, you’ll get it. Please, don’t hurt anyone else.”
“You are a foolish little girl, Princess. As Crusaders of the Revolution, our only desire is to see Imperial blood spilled by our swords and our arrows.” He quickly reloaded the crossbow and aimed at Elizabeth. “And on this day, that blood will be yours.”
“Hey, if you think I’m just gonna stand aside and let you hurt her, you’ve got another thing coming, pal,” Deejay said.
“An ally of the Imperial scum is just as despicable as the Imperials themselves. For the good of the people, I will personally kill both of you.”
“You’ll have to catch us first!”
Deejay quickly swept Elizabeth up into his arms, turned and ran. He was too quick for the two closest assassins to react. The Revolutionary leader fired his crossbow at them, but missed. He cursed under his breath and turned to his followers.
“Get the horses! We mustn’t let them escape!”
Deejay zig-zagged through side streets, and soon found himself back on the main road. He kept running as fast as he could, but he’d already spent most of his energy on the chase earlier. He couldn’t come close to his usual speed. As he looked behind him, he could see the Revolutionaries on horseback now, and they were approaching fast.
“I can’t… outrun ‘em like this,” Deejay panted. “We gotta… lose ‘em… somehow…” He glanced around hastily, and his eyes fell upon an open manhole down the street.
“There! We can… lose ‘em in the aqueducts.”
“What? That’s a waste duct!” Elizabeth exclaimed. “You’re not taking me down there. It’s disgusting. My dress will be ruined.”
“You got a better suggestion, sweetheart?!” He started to slow down as they approached the hole. “Watch your head.”
Deejay jumped into the manhole. With a loud splash, he landed knee-deep in water. At least, that’s what he hoped he was standing in. Up above, he could hear the Revolutionaries approach. Deejay backed away from the hole and hoped they wouldn't see him. The horses stopped right above them. For a second, Deejay was afraid they were coming in after them. Instead, the leader shouted some indistinct orders, and the group rode off in another direction. Satisfied that he'd given them the slip, Deejay allowed himself a sigh of relief, then started looking for a way out.
It was difficult to see in the dark, but the aqueduct looked more or less like a primitive sewer system, and it smelled like one as well. Deejay climbed up onto a stone catwalk running along the wall of the duct. He shook off his legs as best he could, and then started to set Elizabeth down.
“No, no, no!” she shouted. “I can’t set foot down here. Do you have the slightest idea how expensive these shoes are?”
“Aw, c’mon. My arms are getting tired.”
“Please, just carry me a while longer. We’re not very far from the end of the duct. We can most likely escape from there.”
“Alright, alright. Whatever you say, Your Highness. I’ll keep carrying you ‘til we’re out of here.” Just don’t blame me if I cop a feel on the way, he thought.
(to be continued)
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